My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
