I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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