better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
