did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
why do cheetos always look like penises
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Randomize
