Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
