I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
