I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
