If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize