The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
