somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
