She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I just want nice things and good sex
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
