Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
