highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
