He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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