I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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