We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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