Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Randomize
