did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
