I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
