Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
