real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Randomize
