I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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