she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
