Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but Iām pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
