can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize