its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
