I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
My dick has a subreddit
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
