cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
ttyl tear gas
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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