Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Can I color on your dick again?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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