Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
