I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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