I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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