i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
