Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
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