The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
