I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
