How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Randomize
