well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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