If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
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All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
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my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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