I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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