just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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