I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
