you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
