Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
