just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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