this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
