my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I just gift wrapped bread.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
