Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
