that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
