Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
