I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
