Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
