i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
