What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
My vagina is officially offended.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
