His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
