i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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